My mother loved to celebrate my father’s birthday every year with some tag to it. He had a grand 60th birthday in USA and quickly enough in 8 years my mother found a calculation with which it was his 70th birthday event where everyone was invited. My mother passed away in 2023 and father passed away in 2024. The past week there it was again, 30th June, my father’s birthday. We discussed if we should put the effort in wishing a person who is not around. We surely did not count how old he would have been. The thought though crossed about the importance of a father in everyone’s life.
A thought about my father started with this piece talking about my mother. That is the mystery of the role of a father. When I was a child, he was the unapproachable scary person who came home for dinner just before I sleep. I was unaware of what he did, whether he did it well. He is the one who took every risk on our behalf and without our consent. When I grew up and left home, he was the calm man who did not give attention to the fact that I left. He was also the person who fell sick worrying about how I am managing my life without anyone to protect me. When I had my own family, he always showed more interested in my children than me.
When I had my mid-life crisis is the time, I could first see him understand me. When I have trouble with my kids and their understanding of my intentions, I could find solace in the fact that my father admitted I am handling things better than he did. When I had my kids go away to college, I became close to my father. I used to call him twice a day and tell him everything I was doing. He had the habit of seeing the almanac and predicting that I will have a great day. When he is not around, I feel I should have confided more, concurred more, cajoled more, comforted more and cuddled more.
I always think if my father changed so much as a father or maybe he just changed as a person. Or maybe it’s my perception of a father that changed as I grew older. Think about it, mothers demand certain space in your life and fathers just take whatever space you offer them in your life at every stage.
– Capt Pappu Sastry/ CEO – ASL
